Often people ask me how they can help someone with a mental illness. This is quite tricky as it varies from person to person and condition to condition. According to me, it is less challenging to help someone who is already undergoing treatment rather than someone who has not accepted that they have a mental illness 

Helping a person who has not accepted their illness

I think that often the person may be aware that they have some mental illness but are reluctant to accept it. In which case, they may get offended or angry if you try to help. I have heard about this from friends who have family members or close friends who have an illness but have either not accepted it or are not consistent about their treatment. In both these cases, there is a likelihood of any conversation turning volatile them pushing you away rather than talking to you.

The reaction of people will also vary depending on the condition and emotional state at that specific point of time. For example, someone who has bipolar disorder will react differently from someone who has schizophrenia. In either case, it also possible that the person simply does not realise what is happening and why it is happening.

In situations like this, I would reach out to a mental health professional and ask them what might be the best way to help this person. In my experience, you cannot force someone to get help, it has to a conscious, independent decision.

Helping a person who is undergoing treatment

At the outset, I want to say that mental illnesses are extremely complicated and hard to understand, even for people who have them. Speaking from my struggle, I can tell you that it is isolating, confusing, exhausting and often leaves one feeling helpless, clueless, guilty and a host of other emotions. It is non-stop work and it forces me to question all my feelings and behaviours because I don’t always know which is me and which is the illness. Don’t say you understand unless you have a mental illness too, because as harsh as it may sound, you don’t really understand.

I am listing down a few ways in which you can help people like me. Sometimes, doing nothing but just being there can be helpful. 

Do

• Ask how you can help 
• Listen
• Hug or display another form of physical contact. Only if the person allows you to
• Let them be if they want to be left alone unless you think they may be in danger of harming themselves
• Take advantage of the positive phases to have a conversation about how you can help, doing physical activities, making social plans etc
• Talk about their illness when they are feeling ‘normal’, only if they are willing
• Tell them it is okay how they are feeling and it will be okay
• Educate yourself about the illness by reading, discussing or asking relevant questions.

Don’t

• Give advice or therapize
• Criticize 
• Force them to do something. Often people think going out helps. Remember only the person who has the illness knows what will make them feel better. 
• Judge
• Try to have a difficult conversation during a bad phase
• Say things like “don’t be negative” or “be positive”
• Blame them for having a mental illness if you find it overwhelming for yourself to handle their emotions
• Label and say things like you’re lazy, sensitive, crazy, psycho etc.

This list is by no means the complete list. If I start writing about all the small things that help me, it will run into pages and pages. However, this is a list for someone who is new to being around people with a mental illness. Providing support for people with mental illnesses is complex. Compassion, patience and kindness are the most important factors.

The list above mostly tells you how to behave during an abnormal situation. On a day to day basis, it is really important for us to know that we are not alone. It’s really important to know that friends and family accept me for who I am with my ups and downs. This kind of support and, letting them know that you are around no matter what is the most important help you could provide.