I have greatly benefited from the lockdowns that resulted from the COVID-19 pandemic, which gave me ample time to introspect on my experiences related to mental health. As I recall, the last time I experienced a prolonged absence from social interactions was during summer vacations.

Growing with Nature

My sister and I spent most summer days locked indoors till our parents returned from work. We lived as a nuclear family in a largely unfamiliar and possibly unsafe metropolitan city. Being outdoors on our own was not possible. So we explored our creative interests. I began to enjoy art. Most often, I drew trees, leaves and clouds.

Despite living in metro cities, we had the privilege to grow up in greener residential spaces. Growing up amidst nature and away from traffic and human crowds always gave me comfort. My mother says, as a toddler, I could never take my eyes off of the waves at the beach. I found an old photograph of me crouched at the edge of the backwaters peering into the water looking at little fish swimming. Luckily, I pursued higher education in similar environments. However, I realised only recently how crucial this has been for my mental and emotional well-being. In retrospect, it isn’t surprising that I am drawn intuitively towards biology. Also, when I aimlessly scribble away in my sketchbook, it is to draw nature. 

I have started enjoying taking care of houseplants more recently. I missed our pet dog who now lives with my parents so taking care of the plants helped me fill an emotional void. My morning routine consists of checking on plants while sipping chai. It is exciting to see new leaves grow overnight. For several months before the pandemic I couldn’t find  the same joy from being outdoors or from gardening. Also I was not able  to draw anymore, even if I had the motivation for it. 

Pandemic and Diagnosis

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety at the beginning of the pandemic. As part of my treatment, I was prescribed selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI). Being inexperienced with the side effects of SSRIs, and not having full time work I saw myself not being able to sleep at all and feeling extreme fatigue or only sleeping for days. Friends who have similar symptoms like mine ( both depression and anxiety) relate when I say that while I constantly pushed my mind and body to try and keep up with normal life and do all the normal things one would do on normal days, my depression would tell me I’m incapable of it or that I don’t deserve normal. And that can feel like an endless ordeal when it occurs for weeks on end. Frustrated, I would just shut off. 

Healing with Nature

Science says that spending time in nature boosts serotonin levels. On better days, I started taking walks in parks. The walks caused a stillness in my mind. Not the numbing stillness that came with anxiety but the stillness that I would relate to after a rewarding yoga session. And I was drawn to stick with that particular habit somehow. Even on days when I feel extremely low or anxious, just observing trees, making mental notes of their growth and watching the visiting birds helps me feel calm even if I’m unaware of it and even if it’s for a few fleeting minutes. Soon I felt active enough to start making art again. It was as if both these activities were cheering each other on and I ended up benefiting vicariously from them. Eventually there were better days.

Only after recovering from a few cycles of periodic low moods and anxiety, I recognised that I naturally find comfort in being outdoors surrounded by trees. When I couldn’t, because of the pandemic, I brought a lot of houseplants indoors! Now, I appreciate the environment and nature a lot more.

Lack of concentration is one of the many symptoms of depression. Observational drawing of nature has helped me a lot to remain focused on a subject and keep at a task. When it’s hard to remain focused, I pick inspiration from nature and create something abstract by following either the colour, texture, or shape of the subjects. Drawing nature has helped me hold on to emotional balance more than any other activity I have tried so far. 

I am not a mental health professional. All blog posts are based on my subjective experiences and opinions.