I come from a unique family where my parents are each other’s best friends, companions and partners. My mother is undoubtedly the rock of our family and my father will attest to this. She is the strongest and most compassionate person I know. Someday I hope to be sthitapradnya (stable or balanced) like her. 

I am sharing this because through my father’s illness, even when he was at death’s door, she was rattled but calm, composed and accepting of the situation. I have to put in hours of self work to achieve a semblance of calm and stability.  

In Parts I and II of this blog post, I spoke about my father’s battle with COVID and later his way to recovery. I also wrote about my struggle with managing my bipolar II disorder and being a caregiver. In this post, I want to share some tools I used to manage my illness in this difficult time, some are internal and some are external. 

Internal tools

By internal, I mean relating to the mind and the nervous system. 

Breathing 

Focusing on your breath is an incredibly effective exercise. Just watching the breath without actively doing anything helps slow down the heart rate and thus the physical tension that comes from mental tension. 

My therapist taught me how to breathe into my belly while keeping one hand over my belly. This helps guide the breath and reduce the tension. 

In addition, I sometimes practice different pranayama techniques and kapalbhaati for energizing.

Positive Thinking

The constant thinking mind is a real problem and very difficult to manage. In extremely stressful situations like the one I went through, it gets even worse and floods with negative thoughts. I had to make a very conscious effort to bring my mind back to neutral if not positive thoughts and had to force it to not go to dark places. Saying positive affirmations helped to not focus on negative outcomes. 

I cannot stress enough the power of positive thinking and an optimistic attitude. My father is a living testament to it. 

Chanting

I mentioned chanting in my earlier post ‘Sweat it Out’. I like the Buddhist chant *‘om mani padme hum’ and believe in its power. I even have it tattooed to remind myself to practice the essence of it, which is generosity, tolerance, compassion, patience and wisdom, among other things.  In a sense, my 4S mantra that I mentioned in my last post is an extension of om mani padme hum. 

I find chanting calming and helpful. Lately, I have started chanting in my mind several times a day. When I focus on chanting I can ignore unwanted thoughts and just focus on each syllable or word. 

Through Dad’s illness, we started chanting a Sanskrit mantra, ‘Mrityunjay’ mantra, which is believed to conquer death. This particular chanting is recited by temple priests or brahmins as it is traditionally supposed to be chanted. We had it playing at home in the background all the time and in the process my mother, sister and I all learnt it. 

I would love to know more chants. Do give your suggestions in the comments section or through contact us. 

External tools

External tools are quite straightforward and don’t need much explaining. They come in the form of people, hobbies, exercising etc. Here is my list- 

1. I have a set of close family and friends who I talk with and/or spend time with. These people uplift me and give me advice but sometimes all I need is some senseless banter and a good laugh. 
2. Watching mindless TV helped mom and me when dad was critical. We would watch relaxing or inspiring movies like The Blind Side, Nottingham Hill, Downton Abbey, Erin Brockovich, Kashmir ki Kali, Gol Maal (old). I also watched a lot of ‘The Mindy Project’- Mindy helped me get through COVID. 
3. Exercising has multiple benefits- it’s calming, increases endorphins and improves your health. I walked, biked and watched birds on the terrace. You can read more about this is ‘Sweat it out!‘
4. Of course in my case, my therapist and psychiatrist form an important part of this list. Read my post, ‘The Mental Illness Trifecta’, to read more about this. 

Paradigm shift

In the last post, I spoke about my life having changed. My parents and in-laws are growing old and I have to adapt my lifestyle and choices to make sure that I am available when needed. There are things I need to and want to help with and I may not always be able to be reckless with professional or personal choices. 

This acceptance hasn’t come easily. It is however a new phase of life and I believe that with the the above mentioned internal and external tools, I will come to enjoy this part of my life as well. 

I am not a mental health professional. All blog posts are based on my subjective experiences and opinions. 

© All illustrations are copyright of Manasa Murari and may not be used without permission.