Last week I spoke about anxiety, the different kinds of anxiety and how it affects me mentally and physically. Like mentioned, anxieties tend to manifest bodily in one form or another. Please refer to last week’s post ‘Anxious much?’ to read more about it. 

Coping versus avoidance

We have coping mechanisms to handle any unpleasant feeling or experience. The mechanisms may not always be positive or helpful and may in fact be avoidance tactics rather than coping mechanisms. Let me give you a couple of examples using scenarios-

Scenario A: A friend has invited you over for a party but you don’t know anyone there. 

1. You decide to skip it altogether because it’s too stressful
2. You go but stand in a corner and leave soon
3. You go, talk to a few strangers and leave soon

Scenario B: You have a lot on your plate at work and your boss and other colleagues keep giving you more work.

1. You keep overworking because it is easier than having a conversation
2. You stop completing some of the work because it’s too much but you don’t talk to anyone about it
3. You approach your boss and colleagues and have a rational conversation around how much you can do

I have experienced both these scenarios more often than I would like. I have also gone through all options in both scenarios. There are no right or wrong options but in my experience in both cases, options 1 and 2 are avoidance tactics and option 3 is a coping mechanism. We tend to avoid difficult situations or conversations because at that moment it seems easier than managing the anxiety and stress of the situation. But in the long term the avoidance tactics are going to end up causing more anxiety than less. Eventually, the anxiety will take over robbing me of an opportunity to grow and manage the anxiety in a rational manner.

As adults, we constantly face difficult situations in our personal and professional lives. For someone like me who has a mental illness, the anxiety of dealing with these situations can be crippling so the natural tendency is to procrastinate or avoid it altogether. However, doing this just adds to the already entangled mess of knots of anxiety inside the mind. Hard as it may sound, it is worth stepping out of the comfort zone to confront some of these anxieties and learn to handle them. But where do you start?

How and where do I start?

As mentioned a few times before, in my experience, the solution for many problems associated with mental illness is awareness of mind and body. If I am aware that something is causing me anxiety then I can do something about it. The big anxieties are easier to identify than the subtle ones. But even those may be causing some physical reaction in your body. Refer to the list from the last blog. My system of dealing with anxieties is through awareness, rationalizing, relaxing and having a support system. 

Awareness

Being aware of the anxiety is the trickiest part. After years of trying to understand my mind, I now know that any anxiety has some physical effect on me. It can manifest itself in many different ways like sleeplessness, knot in the stomach, increased heart rate or simply a nagging feeling at the back of my mind. Once I have identified the anxiety then I can think of ways to handle it. 

Rationalizing

To me rationalizing is extremely important. Once I identify the root cause of the anxiety, I run a quick analysis in my head of the worst case scenarios and what action I can take to eliminate the anxiety. For example, deadline for a work project- date is not going to change- I may lose my credibility if I don’t finish on time- therefore make a timetable and stick by it. I admit, not everything is as straightforward as this but I think most anxieties can be broken down in this manner. 

Relaxation techniques

Some anxieties are ongoing and don’t have a solution that can be found through the above method. To reduce feeling anxious in general, I believe it’s helpful to find things or activities that relax you. Relaxing helps me to bring down the level of anxiety. 

What relaxes a person is totally subjective. For me, my mood dictates what kind of activity is most relaxing at that moment. I have a repertoire of activities like going for walks, watching TV, reading, listening to music, doing yoga, dancing, spending time with family and friends and so on. My first relaxation of the day is a nice cup of chai in the morning. It is a sacred ritual that helps me to start my day.

Support system

It is essential to have supportive people around you who understand you and give you a nudge in the right direction. One part of this is the holy trifecta of psychiatrist, therapist and medicines. I learn many tools from my psychiatrist and therapist and of course medicines keep the anxieties under control. 

My husband often encourages me to do things that cause me anxiety. Over time, with his help, I have learnt to handle many of my anxieties much better. They vary from dinner plans to visa applications. The same goes for my close friends. They help me feel secure and less anxious and if I’m feeling overwhelmed I can count on them to be there for me.

 

Unfortunately, I know that anxiety is not something that is going to go away magically. It is hard work and it is non-stop. Some days are worse than others. But I know from my own history that hard work pays off and every day a tiny space in my mind is clear of anxiety. 

I am not a mental health professional. All blog posts are based on my subjective experiences and opinions.