In my last post, I started writing about the history of psychology and psychiatry. I was going to continue with that topic but I received feedback that people are more interested in reading about my personal journey with Bipolar II Disorder rather than something they can get off the internet. 

So, I was wondering what to write about. The answer was staring me in the face- how do I get through the week without having a meltdown. While I write this, I’m running on very poor sleep– 10 days in a row– and therefore have low energy. People who know me say I manage my illness very well. I am not ashamed to admit that I do manage my illness very well. But it’s taken 25 years of conscious work to get here- to be able to get through the day and week no matter what. 

I am going to take you through my week; what it takes everyday to get out of bed, to keep a schedule, and to just try to lead a normal life. In my experience, you can lead a normal life if you embrace your reality and treat it rather than stay in denial. Having said that, it’s not easy because the next breakdown may be around the corner and I don’t know it. 

What is my mantra?

Little things

I find things to look forward to every day. For example, my morning chai or coffee in bed, with Bijlee (my dog) snuggling close to me or a book I’m reading or something exciting that I’m working on or a social plan. There can be countless examples for this. I have to make an effort to be positive and find something to look forward to. This helps to first, get out of bed and second, to get through the day. I find this to be especially helpful when I’m feeling low. 

Tools

I like my Sunday evenings to be quiet when I can mentally and physically prepare for the week ahead. I start thinking about the big things I need to get started on or finish.  Every week, I plan something that I can look forward to (this is in addition to the little things). Very often, my husband and I are not in the same country, which means I spend the larger part of the week alone. Especially in these situations, I start making plans for the weekend on Monday by reaching out to friends, to avoid a potential low on a solo weekend. 

To-do lists work like magic. I am old school so my lists are on actual paper. There is tremendous satisfaction in running a line through an errand I have finished. Sometimes I have two to-do lists- one for the day and one for the week. 

I like to challenge myself. This is again a spectrum like the above tools. It could be something as small as going to bed before a certain time, or as big as completing a work project. Writing this blog is also an example of a big project! Especially because there’s no carrot at the end of the stick. It is entirely dependent on self motivation. Examples of smaller challenges are working out more than the day before, doing some mundane household chores, not overeating etc. 

The last thing I want to mention here is gratitude. With an illness, it is very easy to get trapped into a victim or persecution complex. First and foremost, I remind myself to be grateful to be surrounded by people who love me, care for me and accept me as I am, with my Bipolar II Disorder. They also don’t tiptoe around me or remind me of my illness. 

Secondly, I am grateful to be able to afford good doctors, treatments, medicines and a therapist. 

And thirdly, many people have it far worse than me. 

Remembering these three things, helps me stay grounded. 

The most important tool- routine

The most important tool is having a daily routine for every weekday. A set daily routine helps my mind be quiet and not get scattered all over the place. It also prepares me to not be hit by anxiety when there are any surprises. When I go to bed, I know more or less what the day is going to be like. 

I wake up at the set alarm and peel myself off the bed even if my mind is telling me to stay in bed. If I wake up on time, the rest comes relatively easily. I work all morning till lunch. Post lunch, I take a nap because most nights I don’t sleep well. After the nap I have chai and work again. Between 5 and 5.30 pm I work out everyday for one to one and a half hours. I have dinner early, between 6.30 and 7pm. Following this routine everyday no matter what helps me keep my sanity. If I follow this through even about 80 percent, it gives me room for unexpected events, depression or just getting over exhaustion. For me, the morning work and exercise are non-negotiable. I exercise five to six times a week. It gets the endorphins and dopamine kicking and gets me tired, increasing my chances of better sleep.  

And some…

If I feel like eating something unhealthy that I like, ice cream, for instance, I order it. Once in a while, I want to just lie on the sofa and watch TV and I do that too. I go for lunches and dinners with friends. Basically, I try to do everything I like without guilt. This is my overall mantra. 

What I am struggling with

When I am alone, very often, I don’t have the mental capacity or energy for social activities that require me to step out of my comfort zone and overcome anxiety. They just don’t make my priority list because I am unable to overcome the anxiety and inertia. And while I don’t have FOMO, I do end up losing out on interesting experiences, but this is a choice I have made. The other reason is that when I go to a high energy/adrenaline event, like a concert or party, very often I come back home and feel low. My husband, who is also my partner in crime, understands these limitations, so I wait for us to be together to explore funky experiences. He’s my safety net and he is also able to persuade me to remove some of my mental blocks. 

We’re back to the weekend! 

All bets are off starting Saturday. No sleep rules and no routine; living on the edge! Jokes apart, having followed the routine through the week, I feel like I deserve the weekend and can let loose. 

Disclaimer

If you are experiencing any symptoms of depression, please contact a mental health professional. 

I am not a mental health professional. All blog posts are based on my subjective experiences and opinions.