Yesterday I was 23 and financially and emotionally independent. I was working towards fulfilling my dream career; a PhD student at a ‘top-tier’ institute. On paper my life was perfect, and yet, I felt like I did not deserve to be happy or enjoy simple pleasures like hot showers, delicious meals, meeting friends etc. I did not stop myself from doing these, but I constantly felt guilty about it. I went on with life ordinarily and lived with my feelings…
There are two kinds of people- those who sleep and those who don’t. Unfortunately, I am the second kind. If you read my first post, Jagged Little Pill, you will know that I stopped sleeping well when I was 13 years old. Over the years, my sleep quality improved intermittently but it has largely been unpredictable. Insomnia is my #1 enemy. I rarely sleep well at night. On average I’m able to sleep well twice a week, if that. Every…
Awareness How do you feel today? Are you agitated, stressed, anxious, hyper? I often feel all of these things, sometimes all at once. Do you ask yourself this question? Are you attuned to how your mind and body are feeling? It took me a while to become aware of changes in my mind and subsequently my body. I also realised that my emotions and my thoughts manifest in some part of my body. Like all physical illnesses, all mental illnesses…
All pieces of the puzzle In my last post, I spoke about the trifecta of psychiatrist, therapist and medication being the foundation of my mental health. To be mentally healthy and feel good, other aspects of life have to be aligned in addition to the trifecta. What are these other aspects? They include but are not limited to relationships, work, family, weather, routine, basically parts of your life that are important to you or affect you. We don’t always have…
Who or what makes up this holy trifecta? The foundation of the quality of my life is the trifecta of my psychiatrist, my therapist and my medicines. There is an ongoing debate about whether one should take antidepressants or not. I have heard many people reject medicines because they make them feel sleepy or listless etc. In my experience and for my illness, Bipolar II, medicines are necessary because what is basically making me feel depressed or hypomanic is the…
Slipping into the mental fog I was 13 years old when my mental health issues started. I went to school one day after summer vacation and was greeted with silence. A friend had spread some rumour about me and literally everyone stopped talking to me. I don’t remember what the rumour was or how the issue was resolved, but the stress stopped me from sleeping. It was just the beginning of what doctors would later tell me was Bipolar II…