I am not a morning person. Well, sometimes neither am I a day nor night person! When I wake up, I never feel happy or have a carpe diem attitude. On some days, it takes a tremendous amount of effort to get out of bed. On most days, a cup of chai gives the push. After reading a number of articles, I came to the conclusion that I probably have morning depression. These articles stated that people with mental illness…
On January 1, 2023, I woke up feeling mildly depressed. But there was another unfamiliar accompanying feeling. After going through my repertoire of complicated feelings and emotions, I was able to identify it as fear. Real fear of 2023. Fear of what I want to do, need to do, am expected to do and fear of losing people. 2021-2022 really did a number on that one. What is normal? I went through everything that had happened in my life in…
In my first post, I spoke about what triggered my Bipolar II Disorder. I was 13 and a friend spread some rumors about me in school. As a result, everybody stopped talking to me. This triggered an onset of insomnia that would last for, well, looks like a lifetime and an eventual diagnosis of Bipolar II Disorder. Last night, I had a nightmare that I was back in school and my friends refused to talk to me. I woke up…
Yesterday I was 23 and financially and emotionally independent. I was working towards fulfilling my dream career; a PhD student at a ‘top-tier’ institute. On paper my life was perfect, and yet, I felt like I did not deserve to be happy or enjoy simple pleasures like hot showers, delicious meals, meeting friends etc. I did not stop myself from doing these, but I constantly felt guilty about it. I went on with life ordinarily and lived with my feelings…
Who or what makes up this holy trifecta? The foundation of the quality of my life is the trifecta of my psychiatrist, my therapist and my medicines. There is an ongoing debate about whether one should take antidepressants or not. I have heard many people reject medicines because they make them feel sleepy or listless etc. In my experience and for my illness, Bipolar II, medicines are necessary because what is basically making me feel depressed or hypomanic is the…